u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Found the puke drawer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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