i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
