I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
