so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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