for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
