K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
