Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My vagina is officially offended.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
