I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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