you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
