I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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