the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize