listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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