I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
