I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
