She said her name was "party"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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