my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
