I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
