I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sorry about my life...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
