My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
