Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
