listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
