In the future we'll all be gay
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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