How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
