I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
