id be glad to
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize