You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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