He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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