trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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