Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize