I wish I only lived at night.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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