Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
