Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
