if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
