i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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