I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
