if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
