You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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