Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
