I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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