He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
