I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
