I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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