haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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