you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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