She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
