i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
