His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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