i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
