you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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