I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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