ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
