I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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