When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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