we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
