what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
