nutella sex= disaster
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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