just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
