its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize