oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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