I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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