I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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