three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
